Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Caged Bird

Right now I feel like a bird
Caged without a key
Everyone comes to stare at me
So much joy and revelry
They dont know how I feel inside
Through my smile I cry
They dont know what theyre doing to me
Keeping me from flying
Thats why I say that I know why the caged bird sings
Only joy comes from song
Shes so rare and beautiful to others
But I just set her free so she can fly, fly, fly
Spreading her wings and her song
Let her fly, fly, fly, the whole world to see
Hmmm hey ooh shes like a caged bird
Fly, fly, ooh, just let her fly, just let her fly, just let her fly
Spread wings
Spread beauty

This song by Alicia Keys is beautiful. It came up on my mp3 player today and I had an emotional moment. Though I joke around and smile and act happy, underneath I'm torn up. Like the song says, "Through my smile I cry."

At this point in my life I feel like the caged bird. I can't go forward yet I can't go back. This is not a new feeling to me since I wrote about it here in February. There's just no end in sight to these things that are causing this situation and it's hard to remain positive all the time.

I'm not unhappy all the time but I have a lot of time on my hands to think. I have a great support team in my husband, friends and family but when it comes down to it, it's my and Steve's life that is getting put on hold.

I want to spread my wings and fly. I want to feel that I'm living my life and not just existing, because that's what I feel like right now; I feel like I'm merely existing because everything else needed to be put on hold. Yes we've taken a few vacations and done stuff to our house (yay!) but in the grand scheme of things it's just fun stuff holding us over until we can continue down our path.

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