Thursday, January 05, 2017

There's No Place Like Home

"There's no place like home. There's no place like home."

Dorothy was flung into a world she didn't know, made a few amazing friends who helped her along her path, and eventually got to Oz. After everything she experienced, she just wanted to go home.  There is no place like home.

Home is where the heart is. Home sweet home.  Home is where I am with you.

There is no end of inspirational, feel good sayings about home.

But what if you don't know where home is? If home is where your heart is, then my home is Detroit and Baltimore. There are pieces in Syracuse and Rochester, chunks in Greeley and Fort Collins, scatterings in Denver.  There is no one place I feel at home.

Recently Hubs and I made an incredibly difficult decision to uproot our life in Baltimore and move back to the Denver area for a lot of reasons we thought were important.  People called it "coming home".  Isn't it good to be home?  It hit me like a ton of bricks that this just doesn't feel like home, it feels like a giant step backwards. I miss those friends I met along the way. I miss my soul sister in Baltimore who feels a million miles away right now. I miss day trips to DC and Philly. I miss drinking wine and watching The Bachelor with people who understand the obsession. I miss getting drinks in Detroit with someone who is so similar we both told our husband's the exact same thing after we met up for the first time, "I'm so glad she's not a psycho!"

The past seven months have been very hard and nothing has gotten easier. We pray, we plan, we try to do the right thing, yet somehow I feel like an outsider in a land that used to be home, sinking.

When people ask me where I'm from, it's all I can do to not burst into tears and scream "I don't know!"  Pretty sure that won't help me make any new friends.

Maybe I just need some sassy shoes like Dorothy, click my heels together, and see where I land.