Tuesday, December 11, 2007

C-section with a side of labotomy, please

So this is something I've been thinking about for awhile and really need to get off my chest. Wherever I look, there are babies. Crying babies in grocery stores, pretty much everyone around me getting pregnant, holding friends babies, baby showers, baby pictures, etc., etc.

Now don't get me wrong, I love babies. OTHER PEOPLE'S babies. Yes, Steve and I have been married almost two years. No, we aren't planning on having kids any time soon....or ever, actually. Yes, that's right. Steve and I are breaking with convention and saying that we might not ever have children. We like our life. We like being selfish and only having to care about each other. We like being able to sleep in until 10:00 if we were out late the night before. We like to be able to pick up and go to a late game...or out of town for a few days. We like being financially stable and being frivilous with our money if we want to because...well, we can. We like the idea of being able to retire early and buy a camper and drive around the country visiting different baseball parks.

I understand I would be missing out on things if we don't have kids. I would miss out on teaching my child things that I know. I would miss out on watching my child learn and grow and laugh and play and smile. I would miss out on something that's the product of my husband and I. I would miss out on making my parents (and Steve's) grandparents.

But I'm still young. I don't have that maternal instinct right now. Will I ever have it? Who knows. When I see my friend's babies, I think they're adorable but it doesn't make me yearn to have one. I know women who all they wanted was a child, regardless of their situation, they wanted to be a mother more than anything. After I hold a child I just give it back and go on with my day, get to go home to see the hubby, have dinner and go to sleep.

And why is it that my friends that have had kids are suddenly not really good friends anymore? It's more than just the fact they don't have a lot of time. It's the fact they don't have a lot of time, always talk about babies and somehow think of me differently now because I haven't experienced child birth. Things come out of their mouths such as, "You just can't understand, you're not a parent." No, I'm not a parent but suddenly I'm a robot? I still have feelings. When a friend says to me, "Don't tell me you're tired. You're not a parent; you don't know tired," I am a little offended. Do I offend them when they used to tell me they were tired when they weren't in college and I was working my ass off? Did I retort back with, "You're not in college. You don't have to cram for tests and work two jobs. You don't know tired."? No, no I didn't.

Just because I'm not a parent and don't really plan on being one doesn't mean I'm any less of a person. It doesn't MEAN anything except for the fact I won't be a parent.

And why do parents feel the need to shun you for other parents? Some of these women I've known since we were 12 years old and suddenly I have to take a back seat to someone they've suddenly become best friends with because they're both mom's now. For example: I have these two friends, one is pregnant, one has a baby about 5 months old. They aren't really friends with each other, just acquaintences through me. Well, now, apparently, they're friends! They have been getting together, posting things on MySpace, etc. etc. I miss these friends too. i want to see them too. But they're too busy when i ask. But when someone with a kid asks, they have all the time in the world.

Don't get me wrong. I have some friends who have babies who haven't REALLY changed. I mean, obviously they've changed since they're parents, but they haven't changed who they are. They're still the same friend, just with a kid. They can talk about other things besides diaper genies (which I still don't fully understand what that is), they still love their child but their ENTIRE life doesn't revolve ONLY around the blessed child. They love their child but they're still themselves. Unfortunately a lot of my friends have lost who they are. They cease being (fill in the name) and become (blanks) parent. Apparently they had a c-section and then a lobotamy.

People ask me why I don't want to have kids. They ask me like it's the strangest thing in the world. My answer to them is simple: I married my husband to be with my husband, not to make babies. I married my husband because I can't live without him, because my life is better with him in it and my life is happier when I see him. I already don't get enough time with him, why would I want to add something to the mix that takes even more time away from each other?
Okay, rant over :)

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