Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Stompin' Apes

We're trying to teach Munchkin to not be afraid of bugs.  He loves to be outside but will run screaming for the hills any time he sees an ant, a bee, a spider, a cricket, etc.  We taught him that he's bigger than ants (or "apes" as he calls them) and that instead of being scared he can just tell them to leave him alone.  This resulted in him "stompin' apes" and yelling "get outta here, apes".

Bees.....well bees suck so we both still run screaming anytime we see one.

Crickets frighten the bajesus out of him (they are quite shifty).

Butterflies are alright with him now.

This morning, Munchkin pointed out there was an "ape" on the ceiling.  I look up and there's a large spider directly above the sofa.  Munchkin tells me to "whack with magagine" (kill it with a rolled up magazine).  The flaw in this plan is I'm 5'2" and can't quite reach with a magagine without the possibility of said spider landing on top of said Munchkin.  So I calmly tell him we'll leave the spider alone and he'll leave us alone, all the while keeping a keen eye on the stupid spider I can't reach to kill.

"Where pider, mama?" Munchkin says a few minutes later.  I look up......where the fuck is the spider?!!?

In the interest of keeping Munchkin calm and not making him freak out and cry, I calmly tell him that the spider probably went home.  Calm, cool, collected.  No big deal.

The dialog inside my head went something more like this: "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. where did it go? It's going to come at me. It's going to DROP FROM THE CEILING and come right at me!!! oh shit, oh shit, oh shit."

That's right; calm, cool and collected.